Its has been a year since Sharon and I were married. I would like to share some lessons I learnt in my first year of marriage.
Some say there are 3 rings to a marriage. 1st is the engagement ring, then it is the wedding ring. After that it will be suffering! We got married last year in October, one day after her birthday. I thought it was a great idea, because I will only need to buy one gift combined for the birthday and wedding anniversary, can save money! I am not as stingy as you think, it was because the date was 10 Oct, so its 10/10, a nice number. This year it is even nicer, 10/10/10, and it is our first year anniversary.
I believe our wedding is for a day, but our marriage is for a lifetime. So that’s why I spent very little on our wedding reception! Although we did not spend much on wedding reception, we spent and a lot for my house, especially our bed, because we are both very good in bed; we can sleep for days. When sleeping, she will take up the whole bed, rolling here and there while I only occupy a small space. She will come into my sleeping area. She will wake up the next morning and wonder “Hey where is my hubby?” I will be either on the floor or under her.
But more importantly, my wife and I got to work on our relationship and understand each other so we will not fight in the 4th ring, which is the “Boxing Ring”.
Our marriage really changed me. When I was single and staying with my parents, I just need to call out the magic word, “Wati!”, and things will be served to me, whatever you name it. Now, if I call “Darling!” nothing will be served to me and I still got to serve her. I learned how to mop the floor, clean the toilets, clear the trash, etc. Of course we do the housework together, just that she will be the in charge and I will just follow instructions. I can be very competent at work and take charge, but once it comes to housework, I can be at a total loss. Without instructions, I can create even more work for my wife to clear up.
During our first Valentine’s Day together as husband and wife, I wanted to whip out a good meal for our romantic candlelight dinner. So the first thing I thought off was “Spaghetti!”, as it was simple and easy to make. Just cook the noodles and pour the sauce over it. Boy, I was wrong. I realized that cooking, like work, also needed planning! I didn’t plan and went ahead to cook the noodles first, then the sauce, and then the ingredients. The kitchen looked like a battlefield halfway through the cooking and I got to cry out for my wife to help. She come in like a wonder woman, and cleared up everything in no time. However, we still ended up eating hard spaghetti as it was left in open too long. The heartwarming part was my wife did not condemn me, but even encouraged me to cook more. I thought I better stick to Maggie Mee.
I believe compliments are very important in marriage. I always make a point to compliment my wife every day. In our marriage I really got to know my wife better. If you dress my wife up, bring her out and snap photos of her, she will be happy like a bird! We were at our honeymoon in Hokkaido, and everything she saw she wanted to pose and take picture with it. And she will have many poses, victory sign; look into the sky, finger point to cheek, and more. And I had to multi task, being the backdrop, being the cameraman, etc. I felt like I was on a working business trip rather than a honeymoon! But those feelings all disappeared when I saw her beautiful and satisfied expressions on the photos. We really captured the happy moments on our honeymoon.
We discovered each other’s gifts too! She is an excellent administrator and I am a visionary, or rather a dreamer. I love to socialize, talk to people, dream of ideas, etc. But when you come to my study area, it will be a total mess. And I can live with it while my wife will go crazy living in a sty. She and will ensure things are placed in order and keep things organized and systematic. Our gifts really complement each other.
Our marriage has a principle, which is to spend quality time often and communicate with each other. Some of our friends, who are still single or married with no children yet, encourage us to have children as soon as possible. The real parents will say “Welcome to the club” with a funny tone. I understand how they feel, as when the child comes out, all the attention of the parents will be on the child. But I also feel it is important for the husband and wife to have quality time alone together as it will strengthen the marriage and marriage is for the long haul, like running a marathon.
So far, these are the few lessons I have learnt on marriage. I learnt how to change myself for the better, and I know my wife deeper every day, exploring her gifts, and communicate with each other. I firmly believe that marriage is for life and what we do now will affect our marriage and family in the future. So I want to encourage you to be married only when you are prepared for it, treasure your spouse and enjoy every moment with your family.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
LOVE 4 EVER
Who has been in love before? Who has not been in love before? Who does not believe in love?
Love is sweet. And I love to be loved. When I’m in love, I will wake up without procrastinating and each day is filled with joy. Everything I see seems so lovely, even my boss seems so funny and cute. Being a macho man, I used to hate romantic dramas and comedies. Now watching them make me go Awww… like a little kitten.
Now about my ex girlfriend, who is now my wife. Sharon is the most beautiful person I have ever met. We met during my medical treatment at the hospital and she was the nurse attending to me. When she poked the needle into my arm, it was so PAINFUL. But it’s ok, as long I can get to see her. One day, our mutual friend who was her colleague asked me out for karaoke session. I knew she was going and I immediately jumped at the opportunity to impress her! I used up all the gel for my hair, put on my best clothes, and sprayed my perfume which I didn’t used for months. Hopefully, my voice did not scare her away…
I’m going to share 4 lessons I have learnt on my journey of courtship to marriage. This only applies to the single men here. The 4 lessons is in the word, “GIRL”.
G - Guts
In 2008, we got closer together. I was taking a very difficult exam and I pulled my hair every day. I needed support and she was there. I was studying at cafes and she will just quietly read her storybooks, giving me her silent support. I was touched and my torch for her grew brighter and brighter. But I had fear, the fear of being rejected. I had no guts to tell her my feelings. Soon, she was going to China for holidays. So one night, at Macdonalds, I mustered all the courage I had in my guts and I wrote on a serviette, “I’m going to miss you when you go to China,” My heart was thumping furiously as I waited for her response.
She looked at me, smiled and nodded her head. “What was that supposed to mean? Does it mean she accepts me?” I asked myself. Being an overly positive person, I assumed that her silence meant yes! So on our next date, I bought her flowers. But to my horror, she rejected me and said she only treats me like a good friend. I was devastated. But I did not give up. I applied the second principle called Interest.
I - Interest
This interest is not the bank interest. This interest is the deep interest I had in Sharon. She went to China for holidays and I called her everyday, taking an deep interest in her life. I must have been like a pest, but I did not care. I was fighting for my life happiness. I believed she felt my sincerity, or irritation at that time.
She came back on the day of my exam, just in time to give me the encouragement I need. At that time, my health had some problems and was in and out of hospital. In the darkest period of my life, she came to the hospital to visit me, gave me encouragement and was by my side. After an operation one day, I finally took courage to hold her hand and she did not draw back! I was elated and knew I had won her heart.
Subsequently, I had to undergo a major operation and it was successful. I eventually recovered and wasted no time to propose to her. I sang her favorite song and knelt before her, presenting her ring. She cried and accepted my proposal!
R - Relax and have fun!
In a blink of an eye, we were doing the wedding preparations. Even though it was stressful at times, we made a point to relax and have fun. The procedure of finding a flat, looking for bargains, finding a restaurant, tasting the food, sitting at the studio of the whole day while the my bride tries on her gown, preparing the guest lists, memorizing the speech, being teased by the ‘sisters’ on the wedding day, etc. Looking back, it was indeed a fun time and I will not exchange those times for anything else.
L - Love unconditionally
Now that we are married, I realized that the wedding is only for a day, but the marriage is for a lifetime. Being 2 different persons, we really had to understand each other, resolve conflicts, forgive each other and love unconditionally. It brings to mind a story:
A man fell into a deep sleep and an angel brought him for an excursion to heaven and hell. First they went to hell, and saw that the people there were all very thin and weak. They were trying to feed themselves with a very long spoon, and could get the food into their mouths. Next they went up to heaven, and he saw that the people in heaven were very well fed. So he thought that they must have had normal spoons. But to his astonishment, they too had very long spoons. The difference is that the people in heaven were feeding each other rather than themselves.
This story encourages me to always fill up the love bank in my wife, and put her interests before my own. I find that this way, she will have always enough love to share with me, and I will be fulfilled also. To me, the final ‘L’ in the acronym is the most important ingredient to keep our relationship and marriage alive. As long as I love Sharon unconditionally, I will have the guts to take action, take a deep interest her life and our relationship will be relaxing and fun!
I wish all of you will find your Love 4 Ever!
Love is sweet. And I love to be loved. When I’m in love, I will wake up without procrastinating and each day is filled with joy. Everything I see seems so lovely, even my boss seems so funny and cute. Being a macho man, I used to hate romantic dramas and comedies. Now watching them make me go Awww… like a little kitten.
Now about my ex girlfriend, who is now my wife. Sharon is the most beautiful person I have ever met. We met during my medical treatment at the hospital and she was the nurse attending to me. When she poked the needle into my arm, it was so PAINFUL. But it’s ok, as long I can get to see her. One day, our mutual friend who was her colleague asked me out for karaoke session. I knew she was going and I immediately jumped at the opportunity to impress her! I used up all the gel for my hair, put on my best clothes, and sprayed my perfume which I didn’t used for months. Hopefully, my voice did not scare her away…
I’m going to share 4 lessons I have learnt on my journey of courtship to marriage. This only applies to the single men here. The 4 lessons is in the word, “GIRL”.
G - Guts
In 2008, we got closer together. I was taking a very difficult exam and I pulled my hair every day. I needed support and she was there. I was studying at cafes and she will just quietly read her storybooks, giving me her silent support. I was touched and my torch for her grew brighter and brighter. But I had fear, the fear of being rejected. I had no guts to tell her my feelings. Soon, she was going to China for holidays. So one night, at Macdonalds, I mustered all the courage I had in my guts and I wrote on a serviette, “I’m going to miss you when you go to China,” My heart was thumping furiously as I waited for her response.
She looked at me, smiled and nodded her head. “What was that supposed to mean? Does it mean she accepts me?” I asked myself. Being an overly positive person, I assumed that her silence meant yes! So on our next date, I bought her flowers. But to my horror, she rejected me and said she only treats me like a good friend. I was devastated. But I did not give up. I applied the second principle called Interest.
I - Interest
This interest is not the bank interest. This interest is the deep interest I had in Sharon. She went to China for holidays and I called her everyday, taking an deep interest in her life. I must have been like a pest, but I did not care. I was fighting for my life happiness. I believed she felt my sincerity, or irritation at that time.
She came back on the day of my exam, just in time to give me the encouragement I need. At that time, my health had some problems and was in and out of hospital. In the darkest period of my life, she came to the hospital to visit me, gave me encouragement and was by my side. After an operation one day, I finally took courage to hold her hand and she did not draw back! I was elated and knew I had won her heart.
Subsequently, I had to undergo a major operation and it was successful. I eventually recovered and wasted no time to propose to her. I sang her favorite song and knelt before her, presenting her ring. She cried and accepted my proposal!
R - Relax and have fun!
In a blink of an eye, we were doing the wedding preparations. Even though it was stressful at times, we made a point to relax and have fun. The procedure of finding a flat, looking for bargains, finding a restaurant, tasting the food, sitting at the studio of the whole day while the my bride tries on her gown, preparing the guest lists, memorizing the speech, being teased by the ‘sisters’ on the wedding day, etc. Looking back, it was indeed a fun time and I will not exchange those times for anything else.
L - Love unconditionally
Now that we are married, I realized that the wedding is only for a day, but the marriage is for a lifetime. Being 2 different persons, we really had to understand each other, resolve conflicts, forgive each other and love unconditionally. It brings to mind a story:
A man fell into a deep sleep and an angel brought him for an excursion to heaven and hell. First they went to hell, and saw that the people there were all very thin and weak. They were trying to feed themselves with a very long spoon, and could get the food into their mouths. Next they went up to heaven, and he saw that the people in heaven were very well fed. So he thought that they must have had normal spoons. But to his astonishment, they too had very long spoons. The difference is that the people in heaven were feeding each other rather than themselves.
This story encourages me to always fill up the love bank in my wife, and put her interests before my own. I find that this way, she will have always enough love to share with me, and I will be fulfilled also. To me, the final ‘L’ in the acronym is the most important ingredient to keep our relationship and marriage alive. As long as I love Sharon unconditionally, I will have the guts to take action, take a deep interest her life and our relationship will be relaxing and fun!
I wish all of you will find your Love 4 Ever!
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