Wedding is for a Day, but Marriage is for a Lifetime

Its has been a year since Sharon and I were married. I would like to share some lessons I learnt in my first year of marriage.

Some say there are 3 rings to a marriage. 1st is the engagement ring, then it is the wedding ring. After that it will be suffering! We got married last year in October, one day after her birthday. I thought it was a great idea, because I will only need to buy one gift combined for the birthday and wedding anniversary, can save money! I am not as stingy as you think, it was because the date was 10 Oct, so its 10/10, a nice number. This year it is even nicer, 10/10/10, and it is our first year anniversary.

I believe our wedding is for a day, but our marriage is for a lifetime. So that’s why I spent very little on our wedding reception! Although we did not spend much on wedding reception, we spent and a lot for my house, especially our bed, because we are both very good in bed; we can sleep for days. When sleeping, she will take up the whole bed, rolling here and there while I only occupy a small space. She will come into my sleeping area. She will wake up the next morning and wonder “Hey where is my hubby?” I will be either on the floor or under her.

But more importantly, my wife and I got to work on our relationship and understand each other so we will not fight in the 4th ring, which is the “Boxing Ring”.

Our marriage really changed me. When I was single and staying with my parents, I just need to call out the magic word, “Wati!”, and things will be served to me, whatever you name it. Now, if I call “Darling!” nothing will be served to me and I still got to serve her. I learned how to mop the floor, clean the toilets, clear the trash, etc. Of course we do the housework together, just that she will be the in charge and I will just follow instructions. I can be very competent at work and take charge, but once it comes to housework, I can be at a total loss. Without instructions, I can create even more work for my wife to clear up.

During our first Valentine’s Day together as husband and wife, I wanted to whip out a good meal for our romantic candlelight dinner. So the first thing I thought off was “Spaghetti!”, as it was simple and easy to make. Just cook the noodles and pour the sauce over it. Boy, I was wrong. I realized that cooking, like work, also needed planning! I didn’t plan and went ahead to cook the noodles first, then the sauce, and then the ingredients. The kitchen looked like a battlefield halfway through the cooking and I got to cry out for my wife to help. She come in like a wonder woman, and cleared up everything in no time. However, we still ended up eating hard spaghetti as it was left in open too long. The heartwarming part was my wife did not condemn me, but even encouraged me to cook more. I thought I better stick to Maggie Mee.

I believe compliments are very important in marriage. I always make a point to compliment my wife every day. In our marriage I really got to know my wife better. If you dress my wife up, bring her out and snap photos of her, she will be happy like a bird! We were at our honeymoon in Hokkaido, and everything she saw she wanted to pose and take picture with it. And she will have many poses, victory sign; look into the sky, finger point to cheek, and more. And I had to multi task, being the backdrop, being the cameraman, etc. I felt like I was on a working business trip rather than a honeymoon! But those feelings all disappeared when I saw her beautiful and satisfied expressions on the photos. We really captured the happy moments on our honeymoon.

We discovered each other’s gifts too! She is an excellent administrator and I am a visionary, or rather a dreamer. I love to socialize, talk to people, dream of ideas, etc. But when you come to my study area, it will be a total mess. And I can live with it while my wife will go crazy living in a sty. She and will ensure things are placed in order and keep things organized and systematic. Our gifts really complement each other.

Our marriage has a principle, which is to spend quality time often and communicate with each other. Some of our friends, who are still single or married with no children yet, encourage us to have children as soon as possible. The real parents will say “Welcome to the club” with a funny tone. I understand how they feel, as when the child comes out, all the attention of the parents will be on the child. But I also feel it is important for the husband and wife to have quality time alone together as it will strengthen the marriage and marriage is for the long haul, like running a marathon.

So far, these are the few lessons I have learnt on marriage. I learnt how to change myself for the better, and I know my wife deeper every day, exploring her gifts, and communicate with each other. I firmly believe that marriage is for life and what we do now will affect our marriage and family in the future. So I want to encourage you to be married only when you are prepared for it, treasure your spouse and enjoy every moment with your family.